denial again [18+]
I am doing long term orgasm denial AGAIN. I'm honestly really excited. I started 2025 with denial and I didn't cum or even ruin for 62 days I think. This time I am letting myself ruin, but only really as accidents. I'm not going out of my way to ruin, that feels more like cheating. Last year I stopped because I started to get really bad neck pain and tension headaches and it was freaking me out, and I was worried denial was causing them. It sucks because its not like Not Cumming caused it, but likely me being tense from edging and more benignly, just sitting at my desk at work weird. I should have just went no touch or something for a few weeks until it got better. Oh well.
I'm two weeks in so far, and I am not giving myself any rules or protocol or anything this time. Last year I was no touch except for my nipples for over a month which was so crazy. I'm honestly so proud of myself for that. I never used to be into touching my nipples but it totally rewired my brain into enjoying it a lot. That sort of thing is what's best about denial, I want to completely change how I think and experience pleasure. It's so hot knowing that I can and will permanently change myself.
After two weeks of denial it starts to feel like coming home, it feels so comfy and like me. Like this version of myself who is doe eyed and wet and wakes up grinding into my mattress is my true self. I've been thinking of what I want to get out of being denied. A lot of people do denial in a "I don't deserve to cum >w< " way, but that doesn't speak to me. I deserve to feel good all the time and to be sensitive and horny and have my eyes roll back from just putting on underwear. When I wake up in the morning after a few weeks of denial I feel so insanely good, like I'm full of sparkling golden wine. Just like warm and heavy, but energized and hyper sensitive everywhere. My lips and tongue get so sensitive that eating anything feels good. Last year I had to start wearing panty liners to work so I wouldn't soak though my clothes. (there's gotta be a better name for them) Like I deny to feel good but also to push myself? I want to find where my limits are and to push through them.
I saw someone on tumblr who only cums when other people make her, which is so sick and I've considered this for myself. If my lover/hookup situation was different that would be my official rule, maybe permanently, but right now that would just frustrate me.
My time goal is to last until the spring equinox, at the very least. My last orgasm was around the 19th of December so I want to try and spend all of winter denied. Adding a little bit of pagan mysticism to your kinks never hurts. A goal I've had since forever is to wear a toy 24/7, benwa ball is my best contender. It is so hot and would be "proof" that I've properly broken myself. I know there are people who are plugged all the time and I think it's the coolest thing. Imagine getting so used to it that not having something in feels weird and uncomfortable. Wow wow wow! I'm already shameless about having one in in public most of the time, but I want to be more comfortable wearing one when at work, and then just hanging out with friends. While sleeping? (surprisingly difficult and distracting) Achieving a nipple only orgasm would be so crazy hot, and hands free orgasms too. Honestly, I just love seeing how I change the longer I go without cumming. More and more of my life gets devoted to pleasure, and I push myself deeper into this headspace where feeling like I'm getting fucked during my workday feels totally normal. Being sopping wet and flushed is possible when having a boring conversation with the cashier. Being so full of toys it feels like I'm getting fisted, and then driving to get takeout, or going on a walk. Any part of my day can be filled with indulgence if I want it to be.
I'm so excited to see how my perspective warps over time and what sort of new things will make me horny as I go deeper. I would really love to chat with someone who is also denied, even short term denial, because it's really something special to me!
If you wanna talk about denial and other kinks or share your experiences, email me at dovehouses@tuta.io
I'm not interested in RP